InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Hello again"

Spinny Roses ~ Evil on Legs ~ (bleedingsand) wrote,
@ 2009-05-03 19:25:00

Also, do note I am NOT trying to do the type of "rescue" Anna does. I'm trying to encourage Sol to step up and do what's right. To do this herself. I COULD do the type of "rescue" Anna thinks she does. But I don't. I just want her to stand on her own power, to look at what Anna has done to Cakes, me, and herself, and say "fuck this shit. She has no obligations here and I have no obligations to her. My happiness comes first, not making sure this leech has a place to live."

Sol, the power to end this bullshit is with you. You have all the power in the world to make you life better. If you must rest, I and others will shelter you. If you must bitch, I and others will listen and try to help. But I cannot make you take that power and move forward. Stand tall. It will hurt, but if you want to see what can happen, look at me and what happened to me. Look at the depressed wreck I ended up fretting myself into because of money issues and trying to pay bills and being reimbursed by someone who should have paid half of it. Look at the person I became, the little huddling mess that scared her cat by crying hard in the bathroom when she felt like she was out of options financially because Anna suddenly told her over the phone she wasn't coming back. Don't become that. Don't let her push you into that corner like she pushed me there. I'm encouraging you to be more than I could.

Please, Sol.

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wire_birdcage
2009-05-04 02:51 am UTC (link)

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you're stressing her out? I don't really expect you to believe me, but I do clean the cat boxes. For a while, I cleaned all the dishes whenever Mike asked me to. I have since started a trend where everyone cleans their own dishes.

I'm not trying to or planning on starting a fight with you. I am here to inform you that because without a working vehicle I was unable to get a job that didn't greatly inconvenience Mike, and because of this and the fact that you are making it impossible for Sol to live without the stress of two of her friends feuding like children, I am moving back in with my father in the approximation of two weeks from now.

Let her make her own decisions. It's hurting her more that you're refusing to let this go.

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bleedingsand
2009-05-04 08:20 am UTC (link)

So, for whatever reason, she's filtering posts like "I Quit" (a sentiment I agree with since that was the feeling I had when you wouldn't stop and meet me halfway) and you're ignoring the comment fights. The posts I saw that had her especially depressed weren't because of us fighting. It was because you were a little whiny brat that couldn't deal with the fact things were done differently. And uh, I call bullshit on the cat boxes. Or was the not cleaning of the downstairs one and the only reason the upstairs one was clean was because I did it a special "gift" for me? Oh, and I especially call bullshit on this because of you telling me that you felt like such a bad kitty Mommy for not cleaning out the cat box, but you never got off your ass to go clean it. And the "trend" of cleaning their own dishes I feel is bullshit. What's your idea of cleaning them, the same idea you had when living with me? Is this "trend" actually plunging your hands into water and scrubbing off that dried food you left there because you didn't rinse your plate off once you were done or left it sitting in water so it'd be easier to scrub off later? Because you didn't do that when you were living with me. Apparently that was my job, on top of washing my own dishes.

This is the perfect example of the "but nothing is my fault" bullshit you pull. It's not YOUR fault you can't get a job, it's the car! It's not YOUR fault Sol was so upset at your whining that everything isn't going your way that she reminded me of being so depressed I had plans to die, it's my fault! Oh, and what happened to the whole "he has a car I can use" thing you beat me over the head with? Let us see... you had a car the main renter of the house outright said you can use, you had a job you could presumably get paid enough to put gas in it, you have a father that apparently is rich enough to retire early in this economy and will loan you money at the drop of a hat so you could get your car fixed, and you weren't able to get a job that didn't inconvenience him because you didn't have a working vehicle... there's a lie here. Mind telling me which it is? It's either he never told you that you could use the white car that was Sol's mother's, you didn't actually have the job, you dad isn't rich, you're on bad terms with your dad, or your car isn't acting up.

But at least you're getting the fuck out of there. Maybe he'll straighten you out, like throw you through college or the Army. Hey, there's a thought. When you start whining about how hard it is and how much you want to quit, instead of being coddled and told it's okay, you're yelled at and told to suck it up. I can see why Cakes's dad had that idea.

By the by, you acting like a bitch and purposely not meeting me halfway but instead pushing me away does not exclude you from paying me back for giving you the money for a working vehicle in Austin and paying for the place to live, the electricity so you could stay up all night, and the water to waste playing with the cat. It's over a thousand dollars. Get cracking.

(Hey, Sol? I know that I'm not totally faultless here, but I couldn't stand seeing the posts in the dry period where I wasn't posting where you were so depressed I wanted to cry. Especially since they happened when I hadn't posted for a long time and they were about Anna.)

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wire_birdcage
2009-05-04 08:39 am UTC (link)

have you ever stopped to consider that maybe it's just you?

okay, so it was cruel of me to let you float my ass and then up and leave you with more financial responsibility. but you did sign the paper to get me off the lease. the subletting fee was yours to take care of and you knew that, or damn well should have. you who claimed to have read the lease and who claims to know every little thing about the law should have known that exiting a lease before the lease time is up results in a subletting fee. this was discussed when we signed the lease, or were you too busy checking me out and plotting your first attempt at getting in my pants?
sure, i got cold. sure, it was probably colder than i should have been to someone who "only molested me". but, you know. when i tried to tell you that we were incompatible to live together, you shrieked and cried and refused to see reason. we were incompatible to live together. this was not going to change. this was not going to be fixed. you can accuse me of not trying for as long as you want, but i cannot live with someone i cannot trust. when i tried to explain this to you, all i got was a screeching temper tantrum.
i thought perhaps that i was wrong, in exiting the lease and getting myself out of the situation. and then it occurred to me that this was not a relationship. we were not dating. as obsessed with me as you were or are, there was nothing more than a friendship there. ever. it is not my responsibility to patch your self-inflicted wounds. it is not my responsibility to hold your hand through all of life's sorrows. it is not my problem that you cannot take rejection like a mature human being.

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wire_birdcage
2009-05-04 08:40 am UTC (link)

but why don't you do everyone-- including yourself --a favor and stop for a moment.
stop screaming, stop shouting immature little "she did--!"s and making yourself look like an idiot. it's not very becoming, and it's certainly not giving the world a very good impression of you. you are a fun individual. when we were just getting together once a week or so in san antonio or austin, i was having one hell of a good time. i was elated to have made a friend nearby, seeing as with texas being so huge and barren as it was i had very little human contact. i imagine you felt the same.
overall, it was a mistake on both our parts. we were too unhappy where we were, and too excited and in the moment to stop and consider that moving in with a complete stranger may not be the best idea. it turned out worse than it should have, and that is not your fault any more than it is my own.
when you attempted to make our friendship more than a friendship, i should have put my foot down and said "no" from the start. if you had still tried a second time, i should have been more understanding, perhaps, and explained the situation again. if you had still tried a third time, then the situation would be in the exact same place it is now. if you would like to, need to, or even just want to, you are free to deny that your decision to come on to me was wrong. perhaps the decision was not wrong. perhaps even the initial attempt was not wrong. you couldn't have known until you tried. but when i said no, when i declined and clearly did not want the friendship to progress into anything beyond friendship, the issue arose. you believed "no" was simply my inexperience in the field. were you not the one that sat and cried to me over the phone about how you thought your boyfriend was raping you? about how sometimes you "weren't all that into it", but that you were "afraid to say no"? i apologize if then thinking that you would understand when i didn't reciprocate and said i was not interested was incorrect. another folly on my part, it seems.

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	wire_birdcage 2009-05-04 08:42 am UTC (link)
	the bottom line, jessica, is that we couldn't live together. maybe you don't have enough friends to know this, but it sucks to be in sol or pronnie's position. when two people you consider friends are fighting with each other, it sucks. so why don't you just grow up and drop it so everyone can be happy again? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

bleedingsand
2009-05-04 08:59 am UTC (link)

You keep focusing on me fucking me, and completely ignoring me trying to patch things up so we could be friends. Because yes, I did fuck up. I did push too far. And after the third time, I pulled back and tried to be your friend. Or are you conveniently forgetting about the itty bitty bit of time between me fucking up the last time and when Taisa came to visit that we were actually friends living together?

I never said I knew a lot about the law. I know common sense about the law. What you were saying would make a ten year old laugh. What I know is when people are lying. And by the way, go back and note I never said you had to pay me back for the reletting fee. No, really, I'll copy/paste for you so you don't have to waste any time:

By the by, you acting like a bitch and purposely not meeting me halfway but instead pushing me away does not exclude you from paying me back for giving you the money for a working vehicle in Austin and paying for the place to live, the electricity so you could stay up all night, and the water to waste playing with the cat.

That is, paying the whole of the rent for several months, paying the electric bill all but twice, and paying the water bill. Is there a reletting fee in that? No?

Oh, and for someone that claims to care about friends, you are completely unable to empathize with them. You claim to care about their safety and when I'm so scared about living in a bad neighborhood alone and worried about paying bills that I freak out at you because I'm still holding onto the misguided belief that you will help pay stuff and be another body in case something goes wrong, you call it a temper tantrum. *golf clap*

And in so many ways, I do blame the reletting fee on you, since you were the one to go back on your word and leave me with the financial and personal fear of living alone in a place where I hear sounds a lot like gunshots and police sirens every day, not to mention having to go in the forever broken back gate at least twice because a cop had pulled someone over in the front gate. But the burden of paying that so I had a financial and personal piece of mind was on me, so I'm not going to bitch. And not to mention that I still can't find my stuff and you were sidestepping my questions until I forced you to give me a definite yes or no, so I wanted you NOT to have a key to the apartment because I didn't want to lose anything else. Are you saying you wouldn't have done the same if you had actually managed to keep a job since you were OH SO AFRAID of something I hadn't done in months and was trying to make up for?

I'll keep it easy for you. A thousand dollars. For the months you didn't pay rent, for the electric bills you never paid, for the water bills I took care of in full, and for fixing your car's brakes. And go back to your dad like you said and shape up, instead of whining that everyone's so mean to you and they NEVER try to work with you and you HAD TO DO IT. Sol's asked why you haven't done so already.

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wire_birdcage
2009-05-04 09:08 am UTC (link)

The "itty bitty time" of us being friends again consisted of a lot of acting on my part, darling. If you insist on seeing it as I was thinking only of myself, then go ahead. In the long run, I am. Because you stopped being worth my time when you betrayed my trust and were too childish to take no for an answer. Or was Javier not enough for you?

I'll pay you the money that I supposedly owe you, despite all the bills you paid having been under your name and thusly legally requiring no supplement from me, when you decide to grow up. Thanks for teaching me never to trust a good first impression again.

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bleedingsand
2009-05-04 09:32 am UTC (link)

How funny, how many times did you hear from me "I have accepted I will never get with you"? I count at least twice. The first was the first step to trying to make up for my mistakes. Oh, and were you completely blind to the fact Javier was trying to hit on you several times and I stopped him, telling him you weren't interested? Or that many of my words after that were either to tell you to stop putting your hands behind your head because you were thrusting out your chest or that the knife licking was kinda hot so stop it? I didn't stay silent and let you continue it, I called you on it and in the case of the knife, came a little too close to flirting with me so I warned you. You focus so hard on the first few months that you're blind to me trying to be a friend. Was Sol getting the same behavior from you? Whenever we were with her, she was ten times worse than I was (she flipped up your fucking skirt! MANY TIMES!). Or was it okay that she was sexually harassing you because she never said she had a crush on you?

And no, the rent and your car weren't in my name. Oh, they never told you? I went to go check to see exactly how much I had to pay on the final month's rent. I could have easily left and left you with the credit hit. I could have left at the very beginning, having never gotten my name off that lease, and not worried about it. My name was never in their system. I went to the leasing office to ask them what to pay and they couldn't find me. They found you all honky-dory, but not me. I got a letter from them that wasn't addressed to me, but was sent to me because they didn't have a forwarding address for you. If I had wanted to be the biggest dickhead around, I could have just packed and left. My renting history is non-existent because of this. But I didn't. I paid everything because it was the right thing to do. Despite you jerking me around, being a bitch when I was trying to make up for it all and be your friend (somehow, the fact this all happened early on and between then and the time Taisa visited I wasn't trying to get with you and we were almost friends is totally slipping your mind), not paying shit, not cleaning anything unless I bitched at you too many times, and going back on your word to give it a week so you can give me one day's notice that you were not going to stay because you had a job lined up that you either didn't have or never kept, I paid to keep the hit to your credit small. So go ahead and say you owe me no money. All you can wiggle out of is electricity and water.

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wire_birdcage
2009-05-04 09:53 am UTC (link)

The times you said "I have accepted" mean nothing in the face of you knocking me over backward and pinning me to the ground because you had decided that I was weak and you could overpower me anytime you wanted to. I'm not going to change my actions because my roommate was too sick in the head to realize that I was not interested and thusly anything she read as flirting was her own far-fetched fantasies. You say "whenever" like you know her so well. You came to see her once, and then the only other times you were in her presence was when she was helping me get away from you. I know that she meant it all in good fun. She didn't try to shove her tongue down my throat within two weeks of being in the same dwelling.

The car, no. But you gave me cash for that, and can prove nothing because of it. Rent was paid by money orders, so without video surveillance of the two of us and direct proof that only your money went into rent, you have nothing. Both our signatures are on a piece of paper that alleviated me of all responsibility for that apartment. Have fun lying your way into making yourself feel better.

You know, you made a post that Tara didn't want to move in with you a while back. Are you starting to realize why?

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bleedingsand
2009-05-04 11:44 am UTC (link)

Are you getting your timeline mixed up again? Are you forgetting I started trying to be a friend and accepting you weren't interested AFTER I did that? I am impressed at your inability to read, by the way. "Close to flirting," dimbulb. And let's see, every time I was around her she was making the same jokes and I remember an entry about her saying she made them in public too. And let's see, you're conveniently forgetting that I instantly withdrew when it happened the first time, and you let me because you "were interested" the second time (and I still felt like shit and withdrew afterwards), and after the third time, which was the pounce, I stepped back and tried to focus on just being a friend. And in case you forgot again, I felt like such shit after each time, even the time you were apparently okay with it (but since I'm magically not telepathic I couldn't tell if you were or if you were acting) I went and hid because I was ashamed. Remember having to pull me out of my shame? Or are you still so stuck up on something that happened early on that never happened again that you're mixing up your timelines?

... oh, excuse me. One second. Okay, done. I had to screenshot that blatant admission. You really think anyone will take your side after you admitted that you did take my money and promised to pay me back? And no, I'm not lying about me not being in their system. Go ahead and call English Aire and see if I'm in there. I went in and asked how much I had to pay since I was laboring under the impression I was the only one in the system since you left, and they couldn't find me. They looked under my last AND first name and nothing. But you were there. Only you. And you assume there are no video surveillance? That clerks at English Aire that only saw me come in to pay the rent? You can assume that it's impossible to trace the number on the money order back to Wal-Mart, and then back to my back account with no other forms of payment? And from my bank account from that time seeing no counter deposits, only direct deposit from Half Price Books? And uh, no, you're not alleviated of all responsibility. Again, I got something from them that has YOUR name on it. Not mine. Mine was just the forwarding address. If you were totally off the hook, would they have put your name on it? If you were able to wash your hands of this, would your name be the only one in the system?

But the biggest thing is right here, that comment that was just screenshotted says you took my money and were going to pay me back, and didn't pay rent. Actually, hold up. This is just a morale thing, but I'm going to screenshot you admitting you didn't pay the water and electricity. No legal benefits, but just capturing it. Yes, certainly, I was legally obligated to pay that. That's fine. But considering roommates share those bills since they both use said services, I'm just holding on to them to give me warm fuzzies.

Allow me to put it this way: You wronged me. You took my shame and twisted my guilt to get basically a free ride out of me. You promised to pay me back and then went back on your promise. You took my fear and guilt and shoved me into a hole I'm still trying to get out of. You then ran off to do the same to Sol. How or why doesn't matter. I'm just running down the facts of what YOU did. You ran up there, couldn't keep a job, got yet another free ride from her, twisted her into a worse depression that I WISH wasn't in a locked post so I could sit here and quote it at you (but I can tell you there wasn't anything about us fighting. Three people were mentioned and I wasn't one of them), and are trying to get out of this smelling like a rose. And you consider yourself in the right, you think it's okay to treat us like dogshit because...?